“Am I Not Enough” (Guest Post by Yonico)

This testimony was written by an amazing Woman of God and also someone that I consider as a valued friend/divine connection.  Her story is so powerful it encourages and inspires me daily, I pray that her story is a blessing to you as well.

 Broken, depressed, shaken, knocked down but NOT DESTROYED!  Many thoughts 💭… questioning where is God? Going through the storms and trials of life can sometimes feel so unbearable. Recently I experienced domestic voilence in my marriage. It had been going on for years before I became ill with a disease called Gastroparesis. It’s a rare disease which leaves the stomach in a paralyzed state. Unable to eat and digest food like normal. This illness left me unable to work after a year of being in and out of the hospital. Not understanding what my body was going through, I became bitter. Where are you God?? I didnt know why this was happening to me but, many people were praying along with myself. But, I became worse and not better. 

Bible verses to reference (Malachi 1:2, 1 Timothy 1:5-6, James 2:17, Job 19:25)

Where are you God?? Frustrated…. bill collectors calling and my marriage is failing. Trying to keep the faith but, this illness is trying to take my life . God what did I do to deserve this?? Was it punishment for my past sins? I had so many things running through my head. Yet, things are really becoming scary. I became thin in my weight, dehydrated, and found out the pic line inserted gave me a blood clot…what more did I need??? My marriage was under fire 🔥 and God was testing me it seemed like but, he always seemed so far away. 

 2 Peter 3:8-9 But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. 

So yeah you see, He isn’t on our timeline… well at least that’s the way it looks. But, that’s why we must always remember, (Psalm 16:7-8) I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. (Psalm 46:1) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So this means he is always there.

He works all things out for our good. I ended up leaving my husband became homeless living in a domestic violence shelter for women. I remember sitting in that space of a room just sitting there crying I couldn’t stop crying . I cried for weeks but, each week got a little easier.

     Wondering why so many tears?

I kept reciting my husband words over and over in my head. How he said he was seeing another woman and he was praying for a future with her and how he was ready for me to leave. I’d done nothing wrong but, love God, sit and study his word , color and pray. He told me I spent too much time doing that. It’s painful though, he is cruel to me but God help!! I need you where are you? Seems like he was so far away. Yet, I know God is faithful but, I fell weak. Wondering with all the how’s, why’s, the bitterness leaking into my soul. My husband said to me ” I HOPE YOU DIE” . Those words left me stiff, stuck, in awe of this man whom I once loved the ground he walked on. As he choked me, shoved me, made me fall, pulling on my feeding tube oh what a painful thing to do. I looked into his eyes and all that I could see is the fire 🔥 from the pits of hell.. fire in his eyes like never before. He’s aiming to kill me all because, I took his cellphone and kept asking him to pray. He said no shoving me so I unlocked his phone and read all I wanted to. He bust down the door to my bedroom isn’t it crazy seeing this being that he is a man of God. But, he allowed Satan to enter into his thoughts and destroy all he had. But, as he choked me I had this perfect peace not to fight back , I didn’t understand it but, I do now. I know it was God in me he was protecting me from the inside out.   

I called on God so much and I cry still so much.. I don’t know why..I am still going through the storms . Now that I am out of the shelter, living with my son who’s in the army. I was so excited . I knew through my prayers that I was where God needed me to be. But I keep getting tested . There’s a strain in my relationship with my son. He states he wants his privacy but, that he can’t afford to pay alone so he needs me, wait how could this be? Sound like he’s just using me… but I can’t think those kind of things. God help I feel so lost and alone. I feel so broken even in this home.  Being that this may only be a temporary home. 

How many of us are always asking God for help only when the storms come? What about when things are good? How many times we call on Him and it seems He’s so far away? And we in turn get like Jacob who was so hungry and gave us his birthright to Esau? Because He was hungry “right Now” and he didn’t care about that birthright . We sometimes do God that way. We want things in the now and when he doesn’t move fast enough we give up.. we give our grace up for the now.. the temporary pleasures. The devil deceives us. When it feels like we just can’t catch a break. When we cry almost everyday. Wondering when the sunshine will come. When is our breaking point. But, I am here to tell you I beat that blood clot, I am still ill but Gods grace sustains me, I was told by a prophet I was suppose to have been dead not even born but, I am here… I am alive oh God is so good even through my tears I praise Him. But, when I cried today and prayed and got the word from Jehovah God ….He asked me

                  AM I NOT ENOUGH???? 

Why are you crying? take your eyes off your son and let me (Jehovah) take care of him. Becausek you may be his mother, you may have birthed him but, I knew him before I formed him in your womb. Jeremiah 1:5
            

                 AM I NOT ENOUGH???? 

Isaiah 48:10 I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering. 

      YOUR SUFFERING IS NOT IN VAIN!!!

Proverbs (22:19-21) I am teaching you today—yes, you— so you will trust in the Lord. I have written thirty sayings for you, filled with advice and knowledge. In this way, you may know the truth and take an accurate report to those who sent you. 

AGAIN I ASK YOU, AM I NOT ENOUGH??? 

Revelation 1:8 “I am the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end,” says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come—the Almighty One.” 

BUT GOD….you are the reason I am alive today, you are the reason I am sane after all I have been through. After the death of my younger two children. Yes, you are the same God that I saw bring my son from death back to life , you are “THE I AM ” BUT YOU ARE ENOUGH >>>> OH HOW I NEED THEE.. OH HOW I THANK THEE…OH HOW YOU ARRE WORTHY… 

(2 Corinthians 12:5-7) That experience is worth boasting about, but I’m not going to do it. I will boast only about my weaknesses. If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. 

YOUR LOVE IS SUFFICIENT YOUR LOVE IS EVERLASTING YOUR GRACE AND MERCY..OH HOW I NEED THEE.. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH 

Written by ~Yonico

                                                                  

17 thoughts on ““Am I Not Enough” (Guest Post by Yonico)

  1. Sometimes it really does seem that way , but He is enough. What we must come to realize is that He suffered and Might I add He said we too would suffer some times too. In acts He let Paul know He was going to be thrown in prison and in chains and persecuted for
    his sake (Christ ).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am in constant awe of the God we serve. I am reminded of the scripture, John 11:4, “…But when Jesus heard about it He said, Lazarus’ sickness will not end in death. No. It happened for the glory of God so that the son of God will receive glory from this.”
      Enough said.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am in constant awe of the Good we serve. I am reminded of the scripture, John 11:4, “…But when Jesus heard about it He said, Lazarus’ sickness will not end in death. No. I happened for the glory of God so that the son of God will receive glory from this.”
    Enough said.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. @ Kesha Reaves He’s such an amazing God!!! That is one of my favorite scriptures by the way . Knowing that through my pain and all with this illness God said It is not to end in death but so that God will be glorified!! He will He has been The endurance I have is because of the strength I’ve been given from Him it’s not my own .. in my weakness He has made me strong . Thank you for your comment blessings

    Liked by 2 people

  4. @ Elizabeth In God we trust! My suffering is not in vain and I will keep doing what I much for Christ sake! Whatever His will may be .. so be it ! Blessings…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you greentea and Jesus . Had such a rough night with this illness but THANK GOD ANYHOW IM ALIVE I STILL CARRY THE BREATH IN MY BODY HE BREATHED INTO ME AND FOR THAT I AM BLESSED!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for the reminder. In the depths of our own pain, it’s easy to feel like God isn’t hearing us or helping us, or even here for us. But, he is always with us. We never walk this journey alone. Hope you’re having a “good” day. XX 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your kind words. I hope Yonico is feeling “better” today. God bless you both. Yonico is very lucky to have a sister like you to help spread awareness about this debilitating disease. HUGS to both of you. XX :):)

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    1. Thank you for your comment , sorry I’m late . I haven’t been feeling well as I’ve noticed you’re coping with the same illness I am “Gastroparesis “. I’ve been fighting this thing almost 2.5 years now. So if you ever want to talk or anything you can reach me kinky.kokola@gmail.com . Know that God is always with us as you stated and though sometimes it doesn’t always feel like it but we walk by faith and not by sight. Blessings to you

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you for your kind comment. There’s no time table on an appropriate time to respond. I was reminded of this by someone else when I made a very similar comment. Those of us battling this disease understand that we don’t feel well most of the time. Just makes me happy to see that you were able to get to the computer and to comment. Means a lot. I’ve made a note of your email address and I will definitely keep you in mind when I need someone to talk to, or if I just want to see how you are doing. I currently share an email address with someone, so if you ever feel the need to talk or vent or have any questions at all, just send me a message in the comments of any post. My comments are NOT posted until I approve, so I would see your message, not post it, of course, and I could email you. And, I will respond just as soon as I return and see your message. Hopefully, soon, I will not be sharing my email address with anyone. “We walk by faith and not by sight.” I love this. God bless, and I pray you are having a much “better” day. XXX 🙂

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