“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:”-Psalms 103:2
This subject is something that I’ve been hesitant on writing about for quite some time but, tonight I came across a song titled “Selfish” by GemStones feat. Precious. Immediately tears ran down my face because, the song is so relatable. It took me back to where I was years ago and all that I could do was thank God for deliverance from depression and suicidal thoughts. But, I also realize that someone out there is struggling with the same thoughts and they feel as though throwing in the towel would be the easier way out. So I’m here to share my testimony in hopes that this will help save someone.
“The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.”
“Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.”
At a young age I experienced sexual abuse and although it affected me majorly then I believe as I’d gotten older that open wound that I’d tried to hide out of complete shame began to resurface. The feelings of being unwanted, feeling unworthy or even dirty at times took over my teenage years and most of my 20’s. I started to make the wrong decisions and choices especially with men. Believing that in my heart a man would fill that void and help heal that open wound of sexual abuse. I came across a certain young man that I’d dated for years the relationship was beyond toxic and abusive both physically and verbally. But, it was clear I was blinded because, it took years to break away from and still not completely realizing my worth.
The thoughts of feeling unworthy plagued my mind “you’re not good enough or no will ever love you, look at you he left you like the others.” I remember at that time just laying there thinking that I had no true purpose and even questioning my existence it seemed as though the various forms of abuse over the years had chipped away at my entire being and I was left feeling completely void. After years of healing and realizing that God saw more in me than I could ever see in myself. I began to understand that it was by his GRACE that I am standing here today.
So if you have experienced abuse in any form, depression, suicidal thoughts, low self esteem, lack of confidence, hurt, pain, brokenness, etc know that God can and will heal you. Understand that you do not have to live your life as a victim because, God will turn it into victory. No matter what has happened give it all to him as your pour your heart out, allow him to take those burdens (1 Peter 5:7) and turn them into blessings for yourself and others. God saved me from myself therefore, I know he will do the same for you. So come to him as you are, God specializes in fixing all things broken.
– Healing does not happen overnight
– Seek help from someone trusted and never be ashamed because, remember it’s not your fault.
– Mediate on God’s word remember his word never returns void by allowing his word to permeate our souls we will be able to continue pressing on for what God has in store.
– Learn to not only forgive yourself but, those that have wronged you. (Something that I’ve learned is praying for an enemy may be hard at first but, it is such a vital step in the healing process.)
– Talk to God about your hurt and pain he’s a wonderful counselor and is always available.
– Nothing or no one can fill that empty void but, Jesus so put down the drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships and began to call on God he’s ready to come to your rescue.
The best way to find love is to find God.
God bless ♥️♥️♥️
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
-1 Peter 5:7
“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.”